Before and After

All those years since he was two I kept waiting for our Timmy to just grow out of it. I'm not sure I can explain but I felt I always had to;

• follow him around like a two year old to make sure he was understood
• guide him to a more appropriate way to handle a situation
• intervene quickly before a catastophe happens
• make sure other kids were not taking advantage of him
• make sure he wasn't doing too risky a feat

The it we found out was ADHD.  Now Timmy has been on medication for a whole month. It would be great to have an assessment from the school teacher on a before/after but unfortunetly the teacher became very ill the week after he started medication and has not returned. He had a couple of different teachers during those weeks. One of the relief teachers said he was doing good. Not sure what that meant but I do know that I didn't receive any school calls so I guess I can assume all is good.

It would be nice to have a spot the difference picture -like the ones in those puzzles books where they have the two pictures side by side. 

Picture Before                               Picture After
*Timmys lone desk                         *Timmys desk grouped
   with a masked tape boundary          with the other desks
*Timmy fidgeting in his seat             *Timmy seating still in his seat
*Timmy blurting out whenever         *Timmy raising his hand

 The term is over and he is suppose to be getting a new teacher next term.  So maybe we can start over again. I keep thinking about his lone desk. I would love to go in there and move it into one of those small group of desks and rip the masked tape up from the ground.
             
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1-2-3 Magic

How do you stop those annoying kid behaviours?  You know they can stop screaming in an instant.  You count them thats what you do.

Well there is a right and wrong way to do the 1-2-3 count? Yes, I have been doing it all wrong all these years. I guess you can attribute it to the same outcome as when you played "telephone tag" as a child. You know the game where you have this big long story and tell it to the first person in the circle who tells it to the next, and then the next and final end up with something totally different then when you started.

There is a book the psychologist recommended when trying to sort out Timmy, our recently diagnosed ADHD kid.  Its called 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.. Can't mess with that. And apparantly there is a whole web site dedicated to it http://www.parentmagic.com/. I'm going to have to check this one out later.

The book states there are two behaviours that you are trying to control (stop and start behaviours). Stop behavours are (teasing, whinning, etc) and start behaviours (clean your room, brush your teeth,etc).

TO STOP A BEHAVIOUR - You must show NO emotions, NO explanation

1. Say; "Stop screaming"
2. If they dont stop say: "Thats 1" say nothing else and give them a second
3. If they continue say; "Thats 2" say nothing else and give them a second
4. Still screaming, say; "Thats 3, you have 5 minutes in ___" 
5. If they dont' go to ___, then say they have additional minutes if they dont' go.

Works perfect if you are consistent and REMEMBER NO EMOTIONS, NO EXPLANATION

You want them to stop and you know they can. Don't give them the control by seeing you scream like them.



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Finally 8

Timmy was excited about his 8th birthday party.  He invited 11 kids for a  party at the bowling alley - Cosmic Bowling with the disco ball, black lights, music and treasure hunt prizes.  He made his own invitations with bowling pins on the front, a shark on the back, and each kids named scrawled on the front. Come Friday, the night before the big day, there were 2 confirmations and 2 declines due to soccer games. I was hoping there will be at least 8 including Timmy since he said there were a couple more soccer kids and the rest said that they would be there. Well a total of three showed up. But with Zach and his friend Bo that made 6 total.  Timmy was oblivious or so it seemed.  He was just happy that it was his birthday, his best friend David was there and he was at the bowling alley.  I just had to relax and calm down and forget about all those parents who didn't RSVP.  I didn't start to relax until Craig suggested that we bowl too. As we bowled with shoes laces and white shirts glowing and the winning of treasure prizes I finally let go of all that anger.  Only to have it resurface later that night with silent sobs for my Timmy.  But he is the better person to not let those kids who missed out on a great time affect him.

Cosmic Bowling - Timmys best friend David bowling

 Timmy selecting Treasure Hunt Card

Zach and Timmy waiting to see if they won a Treasure

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Still My Timmy

Our nearly 8 year old started ADHD meds last week after 3 years of elimination diets, behavioural schemes & omega-3 supplements. These methods help a bit but there was always something that didn't allow him to focus. He was always in 5th gear and loving life but his school work was progressivly lagging and his classmates growing weary. But putting him on meds has given him a new look on school work and he is still our fun loving Timmy.

We have definitely made the right decision which was substantiated by the grin of his teachers face as I picked him up that first nail biting day on meds.


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Rain in the Desert

I lost my Timmy (my youngest - he is 7) for 15 minutes this morning while getting ready to take him to vacation daycare and after a night of rain. My search tactics were;

1.) Random calling his name in the house but not too loud to wake his older brothers at 7:00 in the morning. NO Timmy.

2.) Basic calling his name from the front and back door but not too loud as to bother the neighbors. NO Timmy.

3.) Go outside and check on top of the shed (last time it rained he was up on top of the shed inspecting for water damage to the gutters.) It doesn't rain much in the middle of the desert. Its like snow to people winter climates. NO Timmy.

4.) Do a complete circle around the house hoping he didn't fall from the roof, not that he has ever climbed up there. Checked the park in the back on my way around. NO Timmy.

5.) Expanded the perimeter of my search, which included checking up and down the road. Put the trash cans down to the road for Timmy's older brother. NO Timmy.

6.) Go back inside and look under the bed, he could be hiding there, but probably not very plausible since it rained last night. NO Timmy.

7.) Go back outside and check up the road. Ah ha, a little boy barefooted in soaking wet pajamas with a broken umbrella in his hands and a large grin on his face. TIMMY!

My first inclination was to yell, which I did. But the grin on his face was full of fun and excitement it just made me stop and think - he's just a kid living for the moment. Learn from this 7 year old I told myself and we walked inside as he chattered away about all the damage from the rain.

Check out the book "Five Secrets You Must Discover Before you Die" by John B. Izzo. The 4th secret is live for the moment. Kids teach us this everyday.

Timmy making a path for all the water to go into the gutter after vacation care.











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Bagel Diversion

I’m currently reading the book World Wide Wave by David Meerman Scott. The book title caught my attention because I have always been fascinated with how it only takes one person to affect several if not thousands. The wave is spread by a trigger, which is different depending on your audience. My audience is my children which I’m always trying to look for their trigger.

At home I'm the negotiator, trying to bring peace to the family tribe. This is a thankless job. I have devised ways to combat the daily challenges that arise and hope I'm fast and ingenious enough to settle the one off situations. Which reminds me of an instance this past week with my border-line ADHD (at least that is what we are hoping) seven year old. He comes into the kitchen asking for the bagel he spied the night before. I think his stomach has a brain. The bagel had been already eaten by one of his older brothers so I could just feel the waves of the impending explosion. So my mind was working double time to come up with a clever response to him. When he was rummaging around the frig trying to find the bagel I quickly asked him;
“So, what would you think you would like for breakfast if there were no bagels?” In which he blurted out, “there are no more bagels?”, which I confirmed.
I could see his mind working double time and he replied;
“I can make a bagel……get me two pieces of bread.”
I didn’t set that coming, but surprisingly if you give your kids a choice to solve things they do so in the most interesting ways. Of course that’s our Timmy.
I’m not always that quick in thinking of clever ways to side track an episode, but I’m getting better with practice. Okay, so this is my fourth child and I should be an expert. But my reply would be “They are all different and have different triggers to handling their different ways.
Kids ask adult questions all the time because they are curious. By turning the table and asking them how they might handle a situation, then they own the problem not you.

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