Focused on What Matters

As a family we spent this past 4th of July at the nursing home of Timmy's great grandma.  It was a great day - music, food and 4 generations of my husbands family.

While we were around the table eating our celebration chicken, burgers, corn on the cob Timmy was focused on Granny.  Talking to her and holding her hand.  When her blended food came Timmy turns to Granny and says; "Do you want your daughter now".  He said this in the softest voice I have ever heard come out of his mouth and the senserity was overwhelming.  He was so gentle, thoughtful and aware of the moment.

Timmy was focused on what mattered at that point in time.   And that was that family matters.

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Rebranding ADHD kids

                          

                            Always

                            Doing Something,

                            Happy & 

                            Distinctive Individuals

I have always been on the receiving side of peoples comments about my son. Many not said out loud, but an expression says a thousand words.  I want to express that kids with ADHD are unique, not always appropriate, but have a love of life that should not be ignored.  These kids live for the moment and we all should step back and see what they have to teach us from their point of view, versus point out all their flaws.  

Always Doing Something - they have no regrets and take risks

Happy - they live for the moment

Distinctive Individuals - they are unique characters that distinquish themselves from others

My son is an ADHD kid!

Coffee Timmy Style

Coffee on a weekend morning - there is nothing like it.  The coffee aroma that seeps into the bedroom, the rush of caffeine the swirls in your head, and the social atmosphere and relaxation. Just the way I like it. I love weekends.

Even my 8 year old Timmy knows how to make me a cuppa.  But sometimes he tries to make it better - in his mind. One time he thought maybe extra sugar would be better.  This morning he proudly brings me the coffee he fixed. I looked inside and saw brown floating flecks swirling around the creamy light brown coffee. I had to stop myself from yelling - I really wanted that cup of coffee.  "It has more flavor now" Timmy was trying to explain.  Coffee with grounds.

From his ramblings, while trying to screen out the grounds in my last cup, I got an insight on his next coffee version. Why not mix the grounds, sugar, and creamer from the start.

Coffee with Love!

Timmy @ 2

While on holiday in America,Timmy's babysitter Sabina was telling a flashback Timmy story.  I had forgot all about it.  Now I have my blog to remember.

It was early in the morning, the day after Halloween.  I had already gone to work (that would be about 5:30am to miss the traffic in Northern VA, yuck) and Sabina,who graciouslly came over the house in the dark,was sleeping on the couch when the doorbell rang.  Our neighbor Nancy, who lived across the street, was standing there with Timmy and asked; "Do you want this?"

Nancy explained how she also woke to a doorbell and a little boy with his hand held out saying; "Candy, Candy!"

We knew then that there was something about Timmy.

Ramblings from an 8 year old

Just got back from a holiday in the America.  Lots of recorded Timmy stories. 

TIMMY SAID;

1. "Santa Claus is real but the Simpsons aren't real because there are no yellow people.  There are black and white people and tan people, which are like white people."
2. "Pasta and pizza baby!" A phrase said over and over again throughout the whole holiday with conviction.)
3. "Do you know where I came from?"
   What he asked the father of the kid he had been playing with all day while at Stone Harbor beach in NJ.
4. "Holy Camole, Holy Camole!  Shouting from the top of his lungs while running in the house to inform everyone of the big shark caught by his Uncle Curry.
5. "Mrs Smith is my fairy godmother, because she looks after me more than any other teacher."  Mrs Smith was his 1st grade teacher.
6. I overhead a conversation at Splashdown waterpark between Timmy and a little Indian boy wearing a bathing cap covering his turban.  It started with a pointing finger;

Timmy;  "What's that?"
Indian boy;  "Its my religion"
Timmy; "Let me see!"
Indian boy;  "I can't get it wet"
Determined Timmy; "Get on the snake - then show me"  ..snake was floating in the middle of the pool.
Indian boy; "I can't show it to anyone"  ...yeah that finally satisfied Timmy's curiosities.

Before and After

All those years since he was two I kept waiting for our Timmy to just grow out of it. I'm not sure I can explain but I felt I always had to;

• follow him around like a two year old to make sure he was understood
• guide him to a more appropriate way to handle a situation
• intervene quickly before a catastophe happens
• make sure other kids were not taking advantage of him
• make sure he wasn't doing too risky a feat

The it we found out was ADHD.  Now Timmy has been on medication for a whole month. It would be great to have an assessment from the school teacher on a before/after but unfortunetly the teacher became very ill the week after he started medication and has not returned. He had a couple of different teachers during those weeks. One of the relief teachers said he was doing good. Not sure what that meant but I do know that I didn't receive any school calls so I guess I can assume all is good.

It would be nice to have a spot the difference picture -like the ones in those puzzles books where they have the two pictures side by side. 

Picture Before                               Picture After
*Timmys lone desk                         *Timmys desk grouped
   with a masked tape boundary          with the other desks
*Timmy fidgeting in his seat             *Timmy seating still in his seat
*Timmy blurting out whenever         *Timmy raising his hand

 The term is over and he is suppose to be getting a new teacher next term.  So maybe we can start over again. I keep thinking about his lone desk. I would love to go in there and move it into one of those small group of desks and rip the masked tape up from the ground.
             
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1-2-3 Magic

How do you stop those annoying kid behaviours?  You know they can stop screaming in an instant.  You count them thats what you do.

Well there is a right and wrong way to do the 1-2-3 count? Yes, I have been doing it all wrong all these years. I guess you can attribute it to the same outcome as when you played "telephone tag" as a child. You know the game where you have this big long story and tell it to the first person in the circle who tells it to the next, and then the next and final end up with something totally different then when you started.

There is a book the psychologist recommended when trying to sort out Timmy, our recently diagnosed ADHD kid.  Its called 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.. Can't mess with that. And apparantly there is a whole web site dedicated to it http://www.parentmagic.com/. I'm going to have to check this one out later.

The book states there are two behaviours that you are trying to control (stop and start behaviours). Stop behavours are (teasing, whinning, etc) and start behaviours (clean your room, brush your teeth,etc).

TO STOP A BEHAVIOUR - You must show NO emotions, NO explanation

1. Say; "Stop screaming"
2. If they dont stop say: "Thats 1" say nothing else and give them a second
3. If they continue say; "Thats 2" say nothing else and give them a second
4. Still screaming, say; "Thats 3, you have 5 minutes in ___" 
5. If they dont' go to ___, then say they have additional minutes if they dont' go.

Works perfect if you are consistent and REMEMBER NO EMOTIONS, NO EXPLANATION

You want them to stop and you know they can. Don't give them the control by seeing you scream like them.



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Finally 8

Timmy was excited about his 8th birthday party.  He invited 11 kids for a  party at the bowling alley - Cosmic Bowling with the disco ball, black lights, music and treasure hunt prizes.  He made his own invitations with bowling pins on the front, a shark on the back, and each kids named scrawled on the front. Come Friday, the night before the big day, there were 2 confirmations and 2 declines due to soccer games. I was hoping there will be at least 8 including Timmy since he said there were a couple more soccer kids and the rest said that they would be there. Well a total of three showed up. But with Zach and his friend Bo that made 6 total.  Timmy was oblivious or so it seemed.  He was just happy that it was his birthday, his best friend David was there and he was at the bowling alley.  I just had to relax and calm down and forget about all those parents who didn't RSVP.  I didn't start to relax until Craig suggested that we bowl too. As we bowled with shoes laces and white shirts glowing and the winning of treasure prizes I finally let go of all that anger.  Only to have it resurface later that night with silent sobs for my Timmy.  But he is the better person to not let those kids who missed out on a great time affect him.

Cosmic Bowling - Timmys best friend David bowling

 Timmy selecting Treasure Hunt Card

Zach and Timmy waiting to see if they won a Treasure

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Still My Timmy

Our nearly 8 year old started ADHD meds last week after 3 years of elimination diets, behavioural schemes & omega-3 supplements. These methods help a bit but there was always something that didn't allow him to focus. He was always in 5th gear and loving life but his school work was progressivly lagging and his classmates growing weary. But putting him on meds has given him a new look on school work and he is still our fun loving Timmy.

We have definitely made the right decision which was substantiated by the grin of his teachers face as I picked him up that first nail biting day on meds.


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I Sent my Kid to School Today on Speed

Okay, so that is what they give a kid on ADHD. But it still does not change the fact that he is on speed. I suppose two negatives make a positive.  I felt like there should be drum rolls but instead there were only butterflies in my stomach.
• Did we do the right thing? Will this help him?
• Will this allow him to focus in school? He definitely is getting behind every day.
• Will he have an adverse reaction? He had to take an EKG to make sure his heart was healthy.
• Will he be different and lose that forever smile? Don't want his personality to change only the annoying bits.
• And will I have any new material for my blog? It's been fun writing this blog.
• And on, and on and on. I usually don't worry about things but today was different. I had a whole 7 years worth of worrying about Timmy and his extreme behavior - and now in this one day it could change forever.

So this morning he cooked himself eggs and had an egg sandwich and a 5 mg tablet of Dexamphetamine. We drove to school and before dropping him off I looked into his eyes and asked him how he felt. He told me he had a headache, and then he said his stomach ached. Not making me feel any better, but I told him it was probably the big egg sandwich in his belly. I went into the classroom to observe a bit prior to the school bell. I then heard the famous "TIMMY" coming from one of his classmates. Timmy had picked up two koalas that were under the classroom gum tree and was attempting to put them in the tree. I guess the "TIMMY" caller was the owner of the koalas. Timmy very nicely said you can put one in the tree and I'll put the other one in the tree. The kid just grabbed the two stuffed animals, with no dramas from Timmy.

• Hopefully the standard "TIMMY" yell will be less.
• Maybe his lone desk with the masked tape boundary will migrate to one of the desk groups.
• He definitely needs to catch up on his school work.
• Can do without those monthly school meeting on Timmy’s behavior.
I kept thinking about him all day long, wondering whether the blinking message light on my phone was the school calling. I picked him up from his classroom and he was running out with the rest of the kids - seemed normal.

I looked into his eyes and asked him how his day went.
He said; "Great"
I asked him if he got put into the thinking chair.
He said; "No"
Then he paused and was thinking hard by the look on his face and said well.....I did get into a fight at lunch, but he was fighting ME! Then out comes the teacher with a big grin on her face - must have been a good day. She said he did great, sat when he was supposed to sit, and raised his hand. She said it was if Timmy wasn't even there. I think she meant that the elephant in the room wasn't there. She said she noticed the drug wore off a bit towards the middle of the day and Timmy became bit louder. I was even pulled aside from the vice principal who told me how wonderful Timmy was in music and art class.

I can't wait to observe him this weekend.


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Do You Want To Be My Friend?

You learn a lot from a kid who knows no boundaries.  Imposing on others is norm and opens up a world of opportunities that might not ever have surfaced.  We went camping this weekend to Ormiston Gorge in the Northern Territory of Australia.  With camping come close neighbors and with close neighbors come direct access to friends, at least in the eyes of a 7 year old.  It was a bit painful as parents as it might be construed as imposing.  I don't think people impose on others like they did in the past, which has built a world of segregated families. 

We did the customary greetings as camp site neighbors.  But for a kid it goes like this; "Do you want to be my friend?".  That's all that was needed for Timmy to gain entry into the campsite next to us.

Timmy was drawn like a magnet to their campsite.  He had a new found friend, Jordan.  I would hear him every once in a while say; "what was my friends name?" and then explain; "it take a couple of days for me to remember a friends name"

Not wanting him to be a nuisance we were constantly calling him back over to our site, which ended up a being a battle between Timmy and Craig, me and Craig.  Then we sent in Zach, his 11 year old brother, to make sure he wasn't being annoying.  Then they brought out the marshmallows and a gas burner and we lost both Timmy and Zach to the camp neighbors. We came prepared to make smores on a open fire but Ormiston did not allow wood fires.  After awhile I wandered over and started talking to Jordans parents, which eventually brought Craig over, not wanting to be camping by himself.  We found out a lot about our camp neighbors like; they live in Alice Springs, that there are hidden treasures all over the world and there were 30 treasures in Alice Springs and you can find these treasures via gps and geocaching http://www.geocaching.com/.  We had a good time talking and eating smores.

The rest of the weekend we spent hiking, rock hole swimming and camp clean up.

On the two hour ride home Timmy had his feet on the back of Craigs seat.  Craig said; 
Your feet stink"
Timmy replied; "Well.... you just have to get use to it."

That night while putting Timmy to bed I asked him what was the best thing of the weekend?
He replied; "My friend!"


Zach and Timmy at the waterhole

Grasshopper friends

The rains brought heaps of grasshoppers to the desert.

I got off work early one day and decided to pick up the boys from school.  After entering Timmys room I has pulled aside - I was getting that dreaded look. The look where I wish I was very very small and not there.  The teacher informed me that Timmy was being cruel to the grasshoppers and his classmates were getting upset. Okay no one should be cruel to Gods creatures. 

So when I asked him why he was being cruel to the grasshoppers he told me if you take the legs off the grasshoppers they will not hop away - they can be your friend.

I wasn't sure how to react to that one - so I just gave him a hug.

Keeping with the grasshopper theme - on their last day of term 1 all the kids got to experience the taste of a cooked grasshopper.  My husband is calling foul  - how can you not ask parents for permission with all those food allergies.  I just thought it was cool.

Timmy ate 5 grasshoppers, but took off the legs because they were spiky.
Zach ate 1 and all his friends followed.

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I created a Facebook Monster

A natural progression from having a email address (since age of 5) would be a Facebook account? 
Wrong.
I kind of knew that,  but hey I thought maybe it will help Timmy, my soon to be on ADHD medication nearly 8 year old son, with his reading and writing.  Okay the constant nagging and trying to get an account on his own and almost succeeding didn't help.  So I laid down the law.  I HAD TO BE THERE WHEN HE WAS USING FACEBOOK.

Wednesday - Timmy became an official underage Facebook fan.  Timmy acquired 2 friends (1 family member and 1 friend of the family). Timmy became a FARMVILLE farmer.

Thursday - Timmy acquired 1 more family friend.  Timmys FARMVILLE crops withered and died, 0 coins left.  But he recovered by selling the pigeon feeder. 

Friday during work -  It was a holiday so Timmy was home with his dad.  He calls me during the middle of the day and ask if I could get on Facebook so he could have a friend online. But I inform him we can't do that at work. About an hour before quiting time I get another couple of phone calls.  He was still probing for me to get on Facebook.

Timmy;  "Are you finished working" 
Mom; "Yeah, but I have another hour at work"
Timmy; "Okay ask your boss very, very, very nicely if you can go on Facebook"
Mom; "We don't have Facebook on our computers"
Timmy;  "Then ask your boss if you can download it - then delete it"
Mom: well I couldn't talk as was laughing too hard.  I put him on hold while I pulled myself together.  He was serious.

Friday after work - Timmy acquired 1 more family friend, 6 friend requests- didn't know any of them, and he was an official member of 3 fan clubs. Typed 1 comment on his older brothers page "I hat you. You are as hoo."

Timmy banned from Facebook by his mom.

Not the words I was expecting from him. More books - less Simpsons.
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Possible ADHD victim

Well we finally endorsed THE letter.

THE letter that spells out the past three years of Timmy's life.

THE letter that has the words impulsivity, hyperactivity, and risk-taker.

THE letter that allows us to go down the path of Timmy being an ADHD victim.

THE letter that in a way gives some sort of explanation of Timmy.

I remember when he was little playing on the play ground and I felt I had to watch him all the time thinking that he might not be understood, or that he might be too overbearing or too rough.  Well that has been going on since he was 4.

The next steps are seeing a child pediatrician.  That could take awhile in Australia. We will know soon enough.  Stay tuned.

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Timmy the Magician

Timmy the magician shows how he can be in two places at one time.  It happens really, really quickly.

Craig pulls into the driveway and spots Timmy on the roof.  Craig comes into the house, Timmy is in the shower.

Then comes the look - the one where he tries to looked innocent, after all he was in the shower at the time.

Oh yeah he tried to lie his way out of it.  Then painfully told the truth.  Then had no TV, no computer, and no play station for the day.


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Timmys Bible Story

Timmy finally got presented his Bible from Living Waters Lutheran school, as did all the other year 3 kids.  He has been anticipating this event since the beginning of year 2.  When confronted with the question back in the last term of year 2 on whether or not he should stay behind in year 2 he replied:  "Probably".  Then he thought about it, changed his mind and said;  "Well, I can go up to year 3, get my Bible, and go back down to year 2"

Eyeing Up the Bibles

        
          






See me

Its Official

   

I got my Bible

Oh Yeah!

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Timmy Story x 2

My husband and I exchanged "Timmy Stories" after work the other day and I went first.

I was entering Timmys room that morning to wake him up for school and I smelled vomit.  His pillow was wet, but there were no chunks.  I looked around for the chunks - no chunks anywhere, just the smell.  The waking Timmy was rolling around and I hear this crinkling sound like that of a baby's toy.  It was coming from his pillow.  After inspection of the pillow I find a one kilo bag of once frozen peas/carrots under his pillow case.  Timmys reply was "My pillow was hot"

Craig was driving home from picking Timmy up from Lil Antz afterschool care and got a thumbs up from a passing car.  Only the driver was delivering the thumbs up to the back seat passenger.  Looking in his rear-view mirror Craig spies Timmy with half his finger lost inside his nose.  So he yells to the back seat "Pick me a winner".  Holding up his finger Timmy exclaims: "It's a loser".

I wonder what happens at school?

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Middle of the Sea

I overheard a conversation that just explains everything about our Timmy, a 7 year old borderline ADHD kid. He had his little friend Christina over for a swim. They were playing some game that involved boogie boards and jumping in the pool.

Timmy, perched on top of the pool ladders handles tells Christina; "go into the middle of the sea"

Christina; "huh?" {we have a 15 foot round above ground pool}

Timmy; "go into the middle of the pool"

Christina; "are you going to jump on me?"

She definitely knows our Timmy and has learned a very key rule in life;

NEVER MAKE ASSUMPTIONS!.

This is the third agreement in a book I just read called "The Four Agreements" that explains the Toltec (an ancient Mexican ethic group, teachings on life). A quote from the book; "Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life"

The four agreements are;

The first - Be true to your word

The second - Don't take anything personally

The third - Never make assumptions

The fourth - Always do your best.

Its a great book with a lot of wisdom and some great rules for living.

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Freeze Frame Chocolate

Freeze frame - an image capturing a moment in a single instance.

Its 6:10 am, Spongebob is shouting in the background; "got to make those crabby patties". Timmy, our border-line ADHD kid, fully dressed for school enters stage right from the kitchen. Spots me from the corner of his eye, freezes in mid-stride, with hands cupped together holding a volcano size mound of chocolate chips. With mouth hanging open and a surprised then defeated look on his face, I knew exactly what he was thinking in that single moment.... "if only I made it to the couch."

It would of been a perfect start of any kids day - chocolate always improves your disposition.







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First Day at School

BEFORE FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL
Timmy; "I feel older today"
Mom; "Why is that?"
Timmy; "Cussss I'm going into 3rd grade" {jesh mom you should of known that}

AFTER SCHOOL
Mom; "Did you feel older all day"
Timmy; "No, it was tooo easy"

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Timmy

Always a sparkle in his eyes
That no teacher could deny

His smile is like a crocodile
Charming all that passed by, while

Energy and excitement abound
Like a stirring twister gaining ground

Bright ideas fill his head
No stopping him unitl they are all said

No student could escape his latest stimulation
The colourful artist was his inspiration, the teachers lesson his motivation

Paper, paint and brush all ready
Two at a time, it was him and Eddy

Colourful paints and white blank paper
Blind eyes and mind in a caper

A daub of black here, a daub of blue there
Heaps of paint everywhere

Swish, swish, swish, splat, splat, splat
Dribble, drip, splotch, splash

No colour that reflects all light
His masterpiece was dark as night

Holding up the painting with his arms
Oblivious to the impending harm

Drip, drop, splat on chair
Drip, drop, splat on hair

TIMMY, TIMMY students yell
STOP, STOP till silenced fell

Paint still dripping on his head and this is what he said;
"Dinosaurs are dead"

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Rain in the Desert

I lost my Timmy (my youngest - he is 7) for 15 minutes this morning while getting ready to take him to vacation daycare and after a night of rain. My search tactics were;

1.) Random calling his name in the house but not too loud to wake his older brothers at 7:00 in the morning. NO Timmy.

2.) Basic calling his name from the front and back door but not too loud as to bother the neighbors. NO Timmy.

3.) Go outside and check on top of the shed (last time it rained he was up on top of the shed inspecting for water damage to the gutters.) It doesn't rain much in the middle of the desert. Its like snow to people winter climates. NO Timmy.

4.) Do a complete circle around the house hoping he didn't fall from the roof, not that he has ever climbed up there. Checked the park in the back on my way around. NO Timmy.

5.) Expanded the perimeter of my search, which included checking up and down the road. Put the trash cans down to the road for Timmy's older brother. NO Timmy.

6.) Go back inside and look under the bed, he could be hiding there, but probably not very plausible since it rained last night. NO Timmy.

7.) Go back outside and check up the road. Ah ha, a little boy barefooted in soaking wet pajamas with a broken umbrella in his hands and a large grin on his face. TIMMY!

My first inclination was to yell, which I did. But the grin on his face was full of fun and excitement it just made me stop and think - he's just a kid living for the moment. Learn from this 7 year old I told myself and we walked inside as he chattered away about all the damage from the rain.

Check out the book "Five Secrets You Must Discover Before you Die" by John B. Izzo. The 4th secret is live for the moment. Kids teach us this everyday.

Timmy making a path for all the water to go into the gutter after vacation care.











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